The best witch pun is “Resting witch face”, and it is not close — it rewrites a phrase everyone already says, it fits a photo caption, and it lands without explanation. Witch wordplay is unusually rich because witch is a near-perfect homophone for which, one of the most common words in English. That single accident gives you “witch way?”, “witch one?” and “witch is which?” for free. Below are 85 witch puns and jokes sorted by use, plus a short explainer on why witches are shown flying on broomsticks, which has a stranger origin than most people expect.
Best witch puns
- Resting witch face.
- Witch, please.
- Witch way to the candy?
- Basic witch.
- You’re a witch-ful thinker.
- I’m a witch on wheels.
- Witch better have my candy.
- Hocus pocus, I need coffee to focus.
- Life’s a witch and then you fly.
- I put a spell on you.
- Witch one of you ate the last sweet?
- Sandwitch.
- We’re all a little witch-y this time of year.
- Broom-mates for life.
- Under my spell and over budget.
Witch jokes for kids
- What is a witch’s favourite subject at school? Spelling.
- How do witches keep their hair back? With scare-spray.
- What do you call two witches sharing a flat? Broom-mates.
- Why did the witch do badly at school? She kept getting her spells wrong.
- What do you call a witch at the beach? A sand-witch.
- How does a witch tell the time? With a witch watch.
- What is a witch’s favourite makeup? Mas-scare-a.
- Why don’t witches ride brooms when they’re angry? They’re afraid of flying off the handle.
- What do witches ask for at hotels? Broom service.
- What is a witch’s favourite pudding? Devil’s food cake.
- Why did the witch get thrown out of school? She couldn’t control her pupils.
- What do you get when you cross a witch and a snowman? Cold spells.
- How do witches travel when their broom breaks? They witch-hike.
- What did the witch order at the cafe? A cup of tea, extra hex.
Witch captions for Instagram
- Resting witch face.
- Basic witch.
- Witch, please.
- Hex and the city.
- That’s the witch energy.
- Just a witch enjoying her season.
- Broom-mates.
- Currently under my own spell.
- Witch way to autumn?
- Feeling bewitched, bothered and bewildered.
- Season of the witch.
- My hat, my rules.
- Spellbound and slightly caffeinated.
Witch one-liners for adults
- I’m not a witch, I just have very strong opinions and a cauldron-sized coffee pot.
- Witches were the original women who were told to calm down.
- My spell work is mostly spellcheck.
- I’d sell my soul but the market is saturated.
- Every group has one witch. If you can’t identify her, it’s you.
- I keep a cauldron because a slow cooker sounded less dramatic.
- Herbal tea is just witchcraft that got a health food deal.
- I don’t hex people, I simply wish them a very average day.
- A broom is just a Roomba with better folklore.
- I have a black cat and no alibi.
Witch knock-knock jokes
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you rang the bell?
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Broom. Broom who? Broom service, I have your cauldron.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Hexa. Hexa who? Hexa-ctly the person I was looking for.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Cauldron. Cauldron who? Cauldron ahead but nobody answered.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda fly on my broom?
Why are witches shown flying on broomsticks?
The broomstick is not a random prop, and the flying is not originally about transport. Two threads produced it. The first is domestic: the besom broom was a universal household object associated with women’s work, and in several European folk customs a broom propped by the door signalled the woman of the house was out — a small, ordinary symbol that trial records later reframed as sinister.
The second is pharmacological. Early modern trial documents and physicians’ accounts describe “flying ointments” made from plants in the nightshade family — henbane, mandrake, belladonna — whose active compounds are absorbed through the skin and are known to cause vivid sensations of floating and flight. The historical record on how these were applied is thin and much of what circulates online is later embellishment, but the association between the ointment, the staff or broom used to apply or store it, and reported sensations of flying appears in period sources. What is certain is that by the fifteenth century illustrations of women astride brooms were already circulating, and print fixed the image permanently.
Witch or which? The pun that writes itself
“Which” is among the fifty most common words in written English, and in most accents it is now pronounced identically to “witch”. The two were historically distinct — “which” began with a breathy hw sound still preserved in parts of Scotland, Ireland and the American South, where speakers genuinely say hwitch. As that distinction collapsed across most of the English-speaking world, an enormous stock of ready-made puns appeared overnight: witch way, witch one, witch is which. Sound changes rarely hand a joke category this much material at once.
FAQs about witch puns and jokes
What is the best witch pun?
“Resting witch face” is the strongest, because it rewrites a phrase already in everyday use and works as a caption, a card and a t-shirt without any setup. “Witch, please” is the best short comeback, and “Witch way to the candy?” is the best line for trick-or-treating. All three exploit the same thing: witch and which sound identical in most accents, so the listener hears both words simultaneously rather than having to decode anything.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Two traditions merged. The broom was a universal symbol of the household and of women’s domestic work, which made it an easy shorthand in folklore and later in trial records. Separately, period sources describe ointments made from nightshade-family plants such as henbane and belladonna, whose compounds absorb through the skin and can produce strong sensations of floating or flight. By the fifteenth century illustrations of women astride brooms were already in circulation, and printing fixed the image as the standard depiction.
What are good witch jokes for children?
The school-themed ones work best, because children already have the reference. “What is a witch’s favourite subject? Spelling” is the single most reliable witch joke for ages five and up, since it needs only one word to carry two meanings. “What do you call two witches sharing a flat? Broom-mates” and “What do you call a witch at the beach? A sand-witch” both land well too. Avoid anything referencing witch trials, which is not a children’s topic.
Why do witch and which sound the same?
They did not always. “Which” originally began with a breathy hw sound, and that distinction survives today in parts of Scotland, Ireland and the southern United States, where speakers still say hwich. In most other accents the h dropped away, making the two words true homophones. Because “which” is one of the most frequently used words in English, that merger created an unusually large supply of ready-made puns.
What is a good witch caption for Instagram?
Short and confident works best. “Resting witch face”, “Basic witch”, “Witch, please” and “Season of the witch” all stand alone without needing the photo explained. If the picture includes friends, “Broom-mates” does more work than any solo pun because it describes the actual relationship in the frame. Avoid stacking two witch puns in one caption — wordplay has sharply diminishing returns and one clean line reads as more assured.
